Alhamdulillah..we are all fine!

I have always been a nervous freak. Our last antenatal check up was on the 10th week of pregnancy. Although all seems to be nice and healthy, (the fetus has start forming with a good strong little heartbeat) I am still worried as we have not yet passed the first trimester. I have always heard that the first trimester is full of uncertainty. About the baby and about yourself. And so I waited anxiously for our next antenatal check up, which was scheduled 5 weeks after that.

For me 5 weeks seems like 5 years. I counted the days and keep close eye on every little things that were happening to me. I have always felt pressure on my pelvic and the pain sent me to clinic for a check up. The doctor found that the pain is due to infection in my uterine tract, which is normal for pregnant women. I have also experience some lower abdominal pain here and there. Which the doctor explained as a normal round ligament pain. A good sign that the baby is growing and my uterus is making room for him/her. My doctor assured me that everything was fine...but I'm still worried. Every day I make du'a to Allah, as only Allah has the supreme power of taking care of everything while we human are totally incapable.

We saw His mercy during our 15th week check up. I was telling Muhammad that I thought I felt Fateh was moving a few days before the check-up. I sometimes felt a fluttering sensation when I laid still. But Muhammad was in doubt, he said it is impossible for me to feel it this early and the feeling was just in my head. (as I read too much of pregnancy websites!). Owh by the way, Fateh is the name that we usually use to call the baby ever since we started trying to conceive. Since we don't know the gender of the baby, so we decided to call him/her Fateh, just for the ease of calling. Okay? (Don't worry, we have other name reserves for Fateh when he/she come out..hehe!)

But I want to assure Muhammad, that I really felt the movement. And so I told Fateh to show dad the real kick during the scan. Off we go. I was... as usual, as nervous as I can be when the doctor put the cold blue gel on my stomach and shove the probe to find Fateh. It was easy to find him as he grew much bigger that the last time we saw him. Subhanallah. From just 3.72 cm CRL he has grown to 9.85 cm. And by the time we found him, I guess he was busy performing his Dhuha, looking at his prostrating position. Oh, and he is also busy sucking on his fingers looking at the movement of his lips. I thought that was the most adorable view I have ever seen.

Fateh during 15 weeks

Okay, it's now time to show dad the real Fateh. When the doctor shove the probe a bit more, Fateh seems distracted and starts moving a bit. He opened up his fist and the doctor showed us his little fingers. Cute! And he started to trying to turn himself around (I guess he was finished with his Dhuha). And so we saw him kicking the uterus wall a few times to showed us his strong legs. Mummy was all win to see daddy's shocked face. I told you, he is as active as he can be already, dad. Thanks Fateh! Now daddy would really believe us. Hehe!

The doctor then measured Fateh's leg, head, CRL and hands to give us the average of his gestational age 15 weeks. Everything seems to be very well and we are very happy. Alhamdulillah. All praise goes to Allah for He is All Knowing.

We take this happy news as also a test from Allah. A bigger test indeed rather than the failed fertility cycles. I felt that this is a test of higher level of tawakkal to Allah. Anything could happen between this point and labor. Even though we have safely passed the first trimester, I still heard stories of second trimester miscarriage and still birth during third trimester. I can be worried as hell and take whatever precaution to prevent anything bad to my baby. But in the end it is Allah who decides the fate. And the pen has dried and it was all written. This is also a test to our gratefulness. A test of returning everything to Allah, whether in difficult times or happy times like this. Muhammad has never failed to remind me to prostrate in shukr for every little good news and relief that we had. He also reminded me of our difficult times, with tears and pains, and how Allah has given us His rahmah and thus we should forever be grateful. I know my shukr is not enough, but I can't stop but to thank Allah for all this.