Random thought!

Mummy was reading this pregnancy website about the development of the baby and mom at 17 weeks of pregnancy:

"Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — his lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now, and he's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. He can move his joints, and his sweat glands are starting to develop."

"When you're pregnant, your developing baby needs calcium to build strong bones and teeth; to grow a healthy heart, nerves, and muscles; and to develop a normal heart rhythm and blood-clotting abilities. If you don't get enough calcium in your diet when you're pregnant, your baby will draw it from your bones, which may impair your own health later on."

Mummy: Owh, no wonder la...I had cramp on my hands and fingers for days kan? After drink Anlene Concentrate (the one with 4 times more calcium than the normal milk tu, okay iklan Anlene kejap) then the cramps disappear. Rupenye Fateh needs calcium more and I haven't given him enough lah.. poor Fateh. Fortunately Fateh know how to get it from me.

Daddy: That's why I told you to drink your Anmum, but you refuse...see?

Mummy: Hehe... tak sedap. That's why.

Daddy continue his work on the laptop and mummy carried on obsessing on her pregnancy website..

"Speaking of packing on the pounds, that what it's all about for baby this week. He's adding fat stores that will keep him warm and cozy after he's born. Your baby's weight will increase approximately six times over the next four weeks. Good to know you're not the only one tipping the scale!"

Mummy: Owh... this week Fateh start building up his fat jugak! Olololo comel...chubby,chubby anak ibu!

Daddy: I see...

Mummy: But wait, kalau Fateh has no enough calcium then he withdraw from me kan? Why now he's building fat but he didn't withdraw any fat from ibu eh? I have lot of excess one spared for him... boleh reduce ibu nyer fat!

Daddy: Errr.......

Alhamdulillah..we are all fine!

I have always been a nervous freak. Our last antenatal check up was on the 10th week of pregnancy. Although all seems to be nice and healthy, (the fetus has start forming with a good strong little heartbeat) I am still worried as we have not yet passed the first trimester. I have always heard that the first trimester is full of uncertainty. About the baby and about yourself. And so I waited anxiously for our next antenatal check up, which was scheduled 5 weeks after that.

For me 5 weeks seems like 5 years. I counted the days and keep close eye on every little things that were happening to me. I have always felt pressure on my pelvic and the pain sent me to clinic for a check up. The doctor found that the pain is due to infection in my uterine tract, which is normal for pregnant women. I have also experience some lower abdominal pain here and there. Which the doctor explained as a normal round ligament pain. A good sign that the baby is growing and my uterus is making room for him/her. My doctor assured me that everything was fine...but I'm still worried. Every day I make du'a to Allah, as only Allah has the supreme power of taking care of everything while we human are totally incapable.

We saw His mercy during our 15th week check up. I was telling Muhammad that I thought I felt Fateh was moving a few days before the check-up. I sometimes felt a fluttering sensation when I laid still. But Muhammad was in doubt, he said it is impossible for me to feel it this early and the feeling was just in my head. (as I read too much of pregnancy websites!). Owh by the way, Fateh is the name that we usually use to call the baby ever since we started trying to conceive. Since we don't know the gender of the baby, so we decided to call him/her Fateh, just for the ease of calling. Okay? (Don't worry, we have other name reserves for Fateh when he/she come out..hehe!)

But I want to assure Muhammad, that I really felt the movement. And so I told Fateh to show dad the real kick during the scan. Off we go. I was... as usual, as nervous as I can be when the doctor put the cold blue gel on my stomach and shove the probe to find Fateh. It was easy to find him as he grew much bigger that the last time we saw him. Subhanallah. From just 3.72 cm CRL he has grown to 9.85 cm. And by the time we found him, I guess he was busy performing his Dhuha, looking at his prostrating position. Oh, and he is also busy sucking on his fingers looking at the movement of his lips. I thought that was the most adorable view I have ever seen.

Fateh during 15 weeks

Okay, it's now time to show dad the real Fateh. When the doctor shove the probe a bit more, Fateh seems distracted and starts moving a bit. He opened up his fist and the doctor showed us his little fingers. Cute! And he started to trying to turn himself around (I guess he was finished with his Dhuha). And so we saw him kicking the uterus wall a few times to showed us his strong legs. Mummy was all win to see daddy's shocked face. I told you, he is as active as he can be already, dad. Thanks Fateh! Now daddy would really believe us. Hehe!

The doctor then measured Fateh's leg, head, CRL and hands to give us the average of his gestational age 15 weeks. Everything seems to be very well and we are very happy. Alhamdulillah. All praise goes to Allah for He is All Knowing.

We take this happy news as also a test from Allah. A bigger test indeed rather than the failed fertility cycles. I felt that this is a test of higher level of tawakkal to Allah. Anything could happen between this point and labor. Even though we have safely passed the first trimester, I still heard stories of second trimester miscarriage and still birth during third trimester. I can be worried as hell and take whatever precaution to prevent anything bad to my baby. But in the end it is Allah who decides the fate. And the pen has dried and it was all written. This is also a test to our gratefulness. A test of returning everything to Allah, whether in difficult times or happy times like this. Muhammad has never failed to remind me to prostrate in shukr for every little good news and relief that we had. He also reminded me of our difficult times, with tears and pains, and how Allah has given us His rahmah and thus we should forever be grateful. I know my shukr is not enough, but I can't stop but to thank Allah for all this.

Things To Do on the First 10 Days of Zulhijjah

I found a super-cute muslim website, with a very chic title and design at http://www.owhsomuslim.com. Cool eh? Here's a sharing from their latest post!

The month of Dzulhijjah is the last month of the Islamic Lunar Calendar. What’s so special about it? It’s the month of Hajj, where pilgrims embark on a wonderful sacred journey in Mecca to please God, masyallah. As Muslims, we should make use of the first 10 days of Dzulhijjah and maximize in doing good deeds. Here are the things Muslims ought to do:

1. In order to completely embrace Dzulhijjah, one should learn and get to know the importance of the month. The significance of this month has been highlighted in the Quran, especially on the first 10 days. So let’s increase our knowledge and receive great blessings and rewards from Allah, insyallah!

Related verse from the Quran: show

Related hadith: show

2. The next good deed we Muslims ought to do is to remember and glorify Allah. To do so, recite “Laa ilaaha illallah” and “Alhamdullilah”! In addition, increase in doing good deeds such as praying on time, fasting or doing charity during the 10 days mentioned. It is also sunnah to glorify Allah (takbir) from Fajr prayer on the day of Arafah (9th Dzulhijjah), up until after Asar prayer on the last day of Tashreeq (11th to 13th of Dzulhijjah). After each prayer, to takbir:

“Alahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar (Allah is great, Allah is great, Allah is great)
Laa ilaaha illallah, wallahu akbar (None has the right to be worshipped except Him)
Allahu akbar wa lillaahil-hamd (Allah is great and to all praises belong to Him)”
Hadith from: Ibnu Abu Shaybah in al-Musannaf / authenticated by Al-Albanee

Related hadith: show

3. The 9th day of Dzulhijjah is the day of Arafah, where on this day, the pilgrims gather at the mountain plain of Arafah, praying and making dua’ to Allah. For those of us who are not in Arafah, it is mustahabb (HIGHLY recommended) to fast on the day of Arafah! By doing so, according to a hadith from Muslim, our sins from last year and the coming year will be “deleted!” masyallah!

Note: Arafah will fall on Monday, 15th of November 2010. So try to fast on this day!

Related hadith: show

4. Though Qurban (Udhiyyah – Sacrificial Slaughter) is sunnah and not wajib (compulsory), we Muslims should participate in the ritual if we can afford it (monetary). It is indeed a pious, sacred and righteous deed loved by Allah! If you could do so, ask your nearest mosque or Islamic Community Center for further details.

NOTE: For a person who wants to participate in the Qurban, one is not allowed to remove anything from their hair (cut hair) or nails for the first 10 days of Dzulhijjah [Hadith from Muslim]

Related verse from the Quran: show

5. Make loads of nice dua’s for the pilgrims; such as your mum, dad, grandmother/father, siblings, aunties/uncles, neighbours or even your friend from the internet/social network who have embarked upon the Hajj. Make dua’ to Allah for Him to safeguard the pilgrims from misfortunes and for their safe returns, and also for them to attain Hajj Mabrur, insyallah.

The big news!

Salam,

I know I have been keeping this big news from everyone for a while. Although I have been giving obvious hints through the 'Little Us' widget at my right sidebar, but I just feel so bad for not announcing it officially. You have to know it is not easy to keep this thing shut. (physically I can't though because I have started to eat like a monster and looks like a monster too!) It is like, you are graduating (yeay! among the biggest event in life, right?) but you keep it as a secret from everyone. Difficult isn't it? I mean, it is among the biggest, most awaited things all this while and now it is happening but I can't shout it to everyone. Yes, I am pregnant. Alhamdulillah!

Muhammad was advising me not to blurt it out until I passed my 'safety zone', the first trimester. Since our doctor was putting my pregnancy at high risk, I was indeed in a worried state every little seconds. So earlier, I just let my family and close friends know about this. Alhamdulillah we are now passing 13 weeks pregnancy, which means the risk of miscarriage has much reduced. Although the possibility is still there. Please make du'a for us.

Since I have nothing to do (plus I am only left with pregnancy brain now) so I decided to scan all the scanned photos of our baby week by week and upload it on this blog. I am so kind to labeled the scan photos as how the doctor described it to me during our visits so at least the black and white thing make some sense for us. So let us see how our little bean has grown up since the first time we saw him/her!

Our first U/S scan to confirm my pregnancy. During this time, the baby might just consist of a ball of cells (called blastocyst) which has just implanted. Notice the worrying 5-7 cm ovarian cyst on the right ovary and the fluid around my uterus. That is the reason why they are putting my pregnancy at high risk. We are worried that the cyst might grow bigger and the fluid will increased and drain my respiratory organ.

My second U/S scan when I had slight brown bleeding during work. Only shown gestational sac which measures 5 weeks and still the big ovarian cyst was obvious on the right. The doctor said we only had 50-50 chance at that time since the bleeding shown a threatened miscarriage. Had another scan at 6 weeks but the doctor did not gave us the scan photo to keep. That scan should show a rice-grain sized embryo.

Our fourth U/S scan on the eight week of pregnancy has almost clearly shown the embryo itself and the yolk sac other than gestational sac. Now the doctor can just measure CRL to determine the gestational age instead of measuring the gestational sac. Fetal heartbeat was seen for the first time and the cyst has shrunk to just 2.7 cm! Alhamdulillah!

Our latest scan on 10th week. I read that by the end of this week, the baby has graduated from its embryonic period and can now be called fetus! Which means a big sigh of relief for me as somehow the baby has passed the high risk of physical birth defects and miscarriage risk has much reduced. And I should expect a rapid growth after this (plus more and more weight gain! oh no!). The baby measured 3.72 cm with estimated age at 10 weeks and 4 days.

A positive sign of fetal heart beat was also shown. I asked my doctor about the rate but the doctor said that they would not bother to measure the rate during this stage. It will usually matters in later months as we progress with the pregnancy. My doctor also showed me the developing umbilical cord and placenta which will takes up the role of the yolk sac later on. Another reason to breathe a sigh of relief! Alhamdulillah!

All in all, it was so far a healthy pregnancy. The doctor was happy and we are over the moon. She was happy enough to let me come once a month so I'll be seeing her during my 15th week. Not like typical first trimester, alhamdulillah for me it was indeed an easy first 3 months. I have no morning sickness at all...except for light headache which come and go. I am more optimistic. I hope we could always stay on the bright side and the sun will never stop shining.... Keep on praying.

Ar-Raqaiq is now on .com!

After a lot of hard work and efforts, we are proud to present you our brand new website! Ar-Raqaiq is now on .com and we have changed the name from Ar-Raqaiq Modest Clothing to Ar-Raqaiq Wardrobe. Thanks to our webmaster, my beloved brother, Adli who is willing to spent his precious time and talent in making this website a reality!

We hope with this new website will make it easier for our customer to browse through the products and place their order. This website is still in its beta version so please excuse us on any inconvenience while you are browsing it. We are still currently working on the online payment and we are sorry to say that our customer could only place order through this website but the payment still has to be through bank transfer. We will inform you once we managed to set up the online payment for the website. It should not be too long from now.


The collection that we have in our website are still from the previous Summer Collection. Since it is now winter season in Syria, it is quiet difficult for us to get the suitable clothing for Malaysian market. We hope to find something nice for you during the next Spring season inshaAllah... For the time being, we are planning to held After Eid Clearance Sale. So please watch out for our promo!


So, please come and visit us at http://raqaiqwardrobe.com! We can't wait to see you there!

Oh... and yes, anyone who are interested to get web design service from my brother Adli, please leave us a message at this blog and I'll provide you with his contact number.

Bad...bad blogger I am

I know... I know...

I have been a bad bad blogger...

I have not being fair to this blog although this blog should meant to be my main home. I still write.... seriously I am. I don't know why, I enjoyed more being at my other home, My Journey to The Motherhood, this lately. I have lots and lots of thing to write about stuff related to that blog and I have really updated it more frequently.

There are so many things happened since I last wrote here. The Ramadhan, our Eid and perhaps among the most important event of our life! But often when I start writing, I will stop halfway and leave it as a draft. Okay...excuses, right?

I promise I will try to be here more often....I promise. As punishment, I will make myself wear a dunce cap and write, “I will update my blog more often,” 1000 times on a chalkboard.

1..2..3 and still counting...

Happy 3rd Anniversary, sayang...

Much Love,
Ur wife

Bowling Spree!!

Salaam..

We've had great fun last week...alhamdulillah. On Monday, I went for bowling friendly match between our company and a client. I was not actually on the list but it happened I was at the Manager's room when the coordinator came in, looking for people to replace those who can't make it. I am no good at this game and am always defeated each time I played with Muhammad. But I decided to just gave this one a go.

Alhamdulillah the game was good. I scored over than 100 in the first game (which I know is not amazingly high score but the highest so far for my record..haha!) . I made some throw for second game before I excused myself as I have to made my way to mum's house that night. I was never expected to get anything out from the game but I won a chic rice grains container! Yeay! (btw, I was actually aiming for the polished Samsung microwave oven!hoho!) Anyway the rice container would be useful as the one that we already have is not 'kebal' enough from 'kutu beras'!

Then it was Saturday when we had our company's Sport's Day. Only two games provided; Futsal and Bowling. So I choose to play bowling again. I though I've had enough practice from Monday's game! huhu! I was hoping to score more than what I scored on Monday but instead I only managed to score 93... poor game eh? I was paired with the nice Kak Fa'e whom also very good at bowling. She scored about similar points as mine. I was quiet disappointed for my achievement on that day so I left early as I want to accompany Muhammad studying at home. Owh... and I fell on the bowling alley right after I throw the bowling ball as I slipped on the slippery lane. And to add spice to it, the incident happened in front of my Manager and he can't avoid but to laugh at me. But the throw resulted in spare by the way so it paid...kui2!

When we were back at the office this week Kak Su was telling me that I actually won something! Haha! I thought she was joking or I might just win a consolation price for falling on the lane. Then I found out that the game is not counted by personal score but by pairs. So my score added with Kak Fa'e scores put us at the second place! Wooohooo! hehe Alhamdulillah! So today, I brought back home a brand new Adidas 'balik kampung' bag as a present. I was bluffing to Muhammad about how good I am to have to win the second place in the office. And it ticked him off so he called for a match tonight!

Okay readers... please pray that I'll beat Muhammad tonight at the bowling alley... and we really meant serious business here! huhu!


Update: Muhammad won the game last night. I lost very badly...hukhuk! I was like "Why? Why? Why the ball rolled down the drain each time tonight?????"

Blog and blog

Salaam..

Thank you for those who left me with kind words of comfort from the last entry. Alhamdulillah I'm coping and have started to prepare myself for any possibility. I know that only the best could happen and I leave everything to Allah. For the time being, I try what ever I can to perform my best at the company. Please make du'a for me.

I am sorry if I can not update very frequent here now, as I have 3 blogs to maintain (including this one) at the moment;

For this one, I wrote about general things. My outlook on life, my experience, sharing of opinions and knowledge, whatever I thought I could share freely and could bring benefits to others. You might have known it well as you read this.


For those who noticed, I have this banner at my side bar. This is another blog of which I shared my battle with PCOS, the treatments, endless doctor visits, how I felt about it , my hope and dreams to see the little one. But I made it as private though and only certain people that I felt could benefit from it is allowed to read. And it is woman only site! If any of you felt that you should read it, I will happily add you into our little family.

This one is my boutique blog. Updated whenever the new stock arrive. Owh by the way I have just updated it recently with the new collections that was just arrived from Syria! Feel free to browse through it and tell me what do you think. If you are interested in any of it, just leave me a message. And it have a journal linked to it, where I shared about my opinion on muslimah fashion and what's new in Islamic fashion industry.

So I might be here and there. If I don't updated here, I might be rambling something at my other blogs...huhu! Aite... that is all from now I guess.

Another Life's Chapter

My life is like a drama, or a novel plot. That was what my friend used to say. Too many suprises and unexpected things keep on happening. They said, they have no clue on how I'm coping.

Well, I thought that this particular chapter of my life is going to have a good successful ending. Working in a well known engineering consultancy firm as a project engineer seems like a very promising prospect. I am looking forward for it. But Allah has better plan for me of which I do not know. The journey has just started but it seems like it will end soon and I have to start again somewhere else.

It was my second day at this new place when I was told that I cannot continue working here. To practice engineering in Malaysia, you have to be registered with the Board of Engineers Malaysia (BEM). That was what stated in the contract. But I can't! Simply because I'm a UK graduate and that they did not recognized my Bachelor degree. So, who said studying overseas is that great? It doesn't mean anything now... To obtain that qualification, I have to continue my master or sitting for a special examination.

It is ironic. I got to enjoy my dream job for a day before I am sacked. And now I'm almost jobless. I left my previous job and it will be shameful to beg for the position back. I don't know what to do. For a while, I kept on thinking why is these all happening to me? And why me? I was angry but I don't know to whom. The firm? BEM? Petronas? Who? I ended up crying so hard.

After office, I drove to the nearest beach all by myself. I texted Muhammad saying I will be back later than usual. I sat on a rock with a mushaf in my hand. I looked at the wide blue oceans, listened to the calming sounds of waves. I let the breeze soothed me with their soft touch. I opened Quran hoping to get an answer. I read and read till I almost finish a chapter. I did not find any exact answer but I found the calmness back. It has washed away my pain.

I went back home. I was tired and I desperately need a deep sleep. I went straight to bed while Muhammad was helping me with some house chores. He woke me up when my usrati came to our door with tears in her eyes. She was in need of soothing words as she was facing her difficult time as well. I immediately tried to forget my sadness and put up a smile on my face. For I know I should spared a room for her in my heart.

And so we talk with tears in our eyes. Muhammad was so nice to serve us with hot tea and some biscuits. By the end of it we were laughing to our silliness, knowing that what we have gone through is nothing compared to others who suffered more severely. She ended up staying over for the night. And another usrati came in later to join us and she also stayed over.

Later that night, I laid down on bed trying to get a sleep. I wanted to forget everything that happened that day, but the bad thoughts kept on coming to my head. Muhammad was at my side wiping each and every tears that were rolling down my face. My mind wandered blankly. Dzikr keeps playing on my lips... Allahu...Allahu...Allahu... to encounter the bad thoughts. Muhammad was looking at me, I saw tears in his eyes. He felt the pain, I know.

The next day, on my way to work, I listened to Maher Zain's InsyaAllah. It somehow gave me some strength as I will see the manager at the office that day. I will leave everything to Allah. InsyaAllah he will show me the way...


update: I am given 3 months of probation period to show my values to the company. If I succeeded then they will consider on keeping me. If not... I will be a fulltime housewife... huhu! Make a lot of du'a for me please... I desperately need it.

Nostalgic Moccacino

I was walking along the aisle to find any 3-in- 1 hot drink as we are running out of it.

Guess what I found?

A G-Day Moccacino 3-in-1 yeay! And it was the only one left on the rack. I never thought I could find it again! So without hesitate, I grab it! (I usually takes long time to decide on what to buy..hoho!)


You might not know the brand well but for me it is very special. Why is it so special?? It reminds me of my time when I was in Jordan at Fateh! I remember to have it everyday for breakfast and tea time and I like it so much that I almost finished the whole pack of it! (Sorry girls!huhu!) And not forgetting the time when I have to spend the whole day of sharing sessions and by the end of the day, a sister bring me a cup of hot moccacino to refresh my tiredness. So, it is not a usual hot beverage for me, it reminds me of the sweetness of ukhuwah everytime when I sip it! It reminds me of these faces...

I miss you all sooo badly!!

Okay... have to admit other than missing these girls, I miss the sweets along the Syari' Jami'ah as well (yang ada keju warna putih pastu ada mcm kuih cakar ayam kat atas tu then curah air gula tu... apa eh nama dia? Sedap sangat2!!! Kalau boleh pos sile pos. Haha!) Okay I'm joking! Nanti ada hamba Allah yang baik hati pergi pos manisan tersebut ke sini pulak.

Muhammad has been warning me on requesting something on this blog since I never expect someone would actually takes some effort to get the thing for me and posted it. (tisk...tisk... terharu!) Remember when I wrote about my dream birthday present a month before my brithday? (read HERE) Last week I went to the post office to claim the present. That nice-kind-gorgeous soul is my beloved Kak Su.

Cool bukan? Siap ada rehal special untuk dia nih. Sayang nih!

What so special about it is, it has translation per word and insyaAllah would be easier for my quest to memorize surahs. (May Allah help...) Before this, I would take sometimes to translate kalimah after kalimah before trying to memorize the whole ayat as I found it easier if I know the meaning of words by words. InsyaAllah I will try my best to benefit from it if may Allah gave the reward to Kak Su too. Ameen...



ps: Okay Kak Su, I need to know your birthday. Muhammad 'mewajibkan' saya to repay your kindness.... (padahal saya memang berniat begitu, tak payah suruh pun saya buat..heh!)





-sipping the hot Moccacino-
Khadeeja

Work and things in between

Supposedly today, I will start my job at Ranhill Worley as a Project Engineer. But yesterday they called and asked me to start on Sunday instead, together with another new staff. Nice! So I can have today's off and settled other things that have long been left unattended (my home, my business etc...) This would be my fourth job since I graduated. A month as a teacher, 3 month of BEST course (can this be considered a job? I am paid though...), 3 month as an instructor/lecturer and here's my new job! I hope that I stay this time

The thought of working in a big company like Ranhill Worley send me shivers. I don't know what to expect. Many of my colleagues at my previous workplace said that I'm going to have a very busy life after this as compared to now. Some said I will have to get used to visiting site and be tough! It is a man job they said. I have asked the interviewer during my interview session about the job. He said that it is more on management and academics rather than technical. I think I prefer it that way. One of my usrati who is a Project Engineer herself told me that most of the time I'll be in the office except if I really want to see the site which is not that frequent. Okay... that looks good too. I don't know...we'll see...I'll write more about it later.

And so, we had a farewell lunch yesterday organized by my colleagues. They were all very nice to held such celebration, considering that I have only spent 3 months there. There are LOTS of food! (which was my favourite part) I bought a huge box of Big Apple Donut as a token of appreciation. Thank you... thank you... thank you everyone!

The Mochachino cake by Kak Leni. Can order here!

After the event, I went back to my office. Prepare last tutorial sheets for my student, fighting with the photostat machine after that, return the reference books to the library and tidied up my office. Working in TATiUC was a pleasant experience, I would say. I'm moving out not because of anything bad there but simply I just want to venture into other type of experience which is working in real oil and gas industry. If we are talking about the pay, I got higher pays in TATiUC compared to what Ranhill offers. It is just that I would like to put my 3 years of university study into practice. But I know one day I will be back to the academic field. I think...

Farewell, my office...hukhuk! I'm going to miss the moment here

Looking back, I'm glad that I actually leave something upon my leaving. I spend my 3 months there working to improve the laboratory management and documentation, while it has long been abandoned by the guys (I am the only female instructor working there). And it paid off by the audit visit from a regulatory body last week where they found out that everything in a satisfactory condition. We have all the required documentation and records, yeah! My mission when I first came in was, I wanted to make sure that the laboratory will gain ISO certification for Good Laboratory Management. But, I'm leaving and I hope that my other colleagues will continue my quest.

For me, when people pay you, they put trust in you and want you to give out the best that you can. What's more, it is the amanah and we will be questioned for it. I could choose to just sit around in my office and browsing the internet for the whole day when I was in TATiUC, as the student were not around so technically means, no work. But I simply thought that I don't want to feed myself with haraam money. And so I would be looking for work every time I am at my work place and spent my sweat on it. By the end of the day it gave me satisfaction and it was such a relief knowing that I'm paid for something!

But there were days when there were really nothing to do and so I spent the bored hours browsing internet (as that was the only mean of entertainment) I felt guilty though.... But thanx to my beloved usrati (back in Manchester) who forwarded me an article from Ust Zaharudin's site. The article discussed about the Islamic views of spending time browsing internet during leisure hours at work place. And it has somehow gave me a relief. You can read the article HERE. Ustaz has elaborated it in very detail.

As for my plan for furthering study, I think I put it into a halt first. I wanted to get use to my new workplace and my new daily routine before I'm thinking about adding other commitment. As for Muhammad, I am happy for him as he got the offer to further his postgraduate study in UTM. Alhamdulillah! So next week we'll be going to Skudai for his registration. He will be doing it part time and his classes will be on weekend. This means less free time! I think I should prepare myself to be mentally and emotionally strong to support him throughout this journey. I don't think that we could afford to do too many things at the same time; our tarbiyah dan dakwah, work, business and study. So I'm sparing my time to support Muhammad and I'll continue my study when he finishes insyaAllah.

May Allah guide and help us... ameen.

Hari Kejadian: Lost and Found

Alhamdulillah... thank you Allah for giving me chance to walk this far. For giving me chance to breath in Islam all this while. As for today, I have been living for 24 years... Yes, I am now 24 years old.

This year we celebrated the birthday as early as the beginning of June when we were at the in law's house for Baby Umar's akikah. As everyone were there, so we decided to celebrate all the June's babies!

The June's babies!

Okay, Abang Hazim is not a June's baby but we put his name anyway because we've missed his birthday in May. So the actual June's babies would be; Emak, Kak Puteri, Abang Faiz and me. Last year was similar as we are all gathered at Kak Puteri's house and so we bought cake and celebrate it. (And the cake looks exactly like this!). My mother in-law was very thoughtful. She gave me a tea set as my birthday present.

The week towards my birthday was the most depressing week ever. Muhammad has been away for like five days and I stayed at home with my beloved usrati. They were all so kind to come over and accompanied me through the week. As everyone was being stressed out by the final project report and their presentation, so I have decided to held our weekly usrah on the beach last Thursday night. We had a good meal at the nearby restaurant and found a nice place for our liqo' that night when a group of men with bags of Burger King's came to the place and asked our permission to sit nearby. I don't think that they really need our permission as they were already settling down and started to eat before we said anything. We felt a bit uncomfortable as the place is quiet secluded and they were all so loud! And so we decided to find a new spot.

On that particular time.... that very particular time, I have lost track of where my hand phone was. All I was thinking at that time was to bring my usrati away from those men. Until it was time to go home, I started to look for my phone. But the phone was nowhere to be seen. Aaaaaaaa...! We tried to look for it at the place we used to sit but to no avail. And so I spend the next day being depressed and miserable. I found myself crying about half an hour in my office (glad that I have the office all by myself) out of no reason!(I blame the raging hormones)

After office, I went back to my mum's house as it was already weekend and I have promised to fetch Muhammad at the bus station the next day. On Friday night, Muhammad came home and he bought me my birthday present! He said he had to give it in advance as I desperately needed it. And he brought out a box of brand new hand phone from his bag to replace my lost one~ sob sob... Yeay! And that made my week!

"I'm glad that you lost your phone, if not, I won't have any idea what to give you this year"

True... true. Thanks dear!

Random Rambling

I am in KL right now...

I went to see my potential supervisor for my master last Tuesday in UM. If you ask me how was it, I would say that the meeting resulted in me being discourage of doing master by research. The lady Prof was fine and very encouraging. She was the one who I contacted through email and phone when I decided to do my master in UM. But when I told her about my research interest, she thought that Dr. R should know it better. And so the meeting involved me, the lady Prof and Dr. R.

The thing that discourage me was:


First, Dr. R was keep saying, "I don't think that this project going to be enough with just one master". What's that supposed to mean eh? (I honestly blurred on that remark) And he kept saying it a few times on a regular interval.


Second, He never reply my mail! The lady Prof was very kind that she replied all my mails at right instant and whenever I called her she was always around. And so I know if I would have her as my supervisor, she would always be there when I need her, you see? But with Dr.R, after the meeting, he promised that he would send me the reference for me to read. It has been 2 days now, but nothing! (okay... maybe I should be patient and wait la bit longer, but if the mail does not comes in for the next few weeks, then I'm giving up)


Third, I barely could understand his accent. I know he is from US but does the accent should not be too much different from British accent?


Lastly, he definitely don't want a part timer and wanted it to be done full time which I can't at the moment.


And so I have enough reason why I'm not proceeding with doing master by research with him. I once read an article about deciding of whether to choose taught or research based master. The article said, if you decide to do master by research, other than choosing something that is within your interest (because you are going to spend your precious 2 years of your life on it), you must also make sure that you have a GOOD SUPERVISOR! Someone that could make your soon-to- be-difficult years a little bit easier. Someone that could encourage you and always positive.

I think I have finally decided to do my master part time on taught course which means weekend's hardwork! yeah! And Muhammad will be joining the boat insyaAllah.

I remembered my conversation with the nice lady Prof when Dr. R was out of the room for a while. She asked me of why I decided to do masters and do I really interested in joining academic. Then I told her of my sad story with my sponsor. The ridiculous policy of not allowing husband and wife to work in the same company. I jokingly said, I hate the company so much for dumping me and I can't even look the company's logo at every oil pumps ever since! But hey... I can't because someone that I love is working with that company. Ironic, isn't it? And it gave her a good laugh... she was saying that, for the first time she met a person that felt the same. She was in the geology department and of course working with petroleum geology research needed her to plead for data from the company. But it usually takes yeaaaaaaaaaarss for her to get it and thus delayed all the research. And she hate it so much but just like me, she can't, because her husband is with the company!

Talking about the company, I am now staying next to the company's proud skyscraper. It hurts me a little each time I'm looking at those twin towers. It reminds me of my jokes with my friend before,

"Hey, where are you from?"

"Malaysia!"

"Malaysia? Which one...?"

"The one with the twin towers (yes I was so proud of it once)"

"Ooo yes... that one! That tower is amazing...have you been there?"

"Yes, they are my sponsor and I'll soon going to work in there (naively)"

"Are you serious????"

"Yes, I'm going to book my office on the bridge of those towers. Haha!"

It has been five years since then.

And I'm not working in the towers.

And never step on the bridge either.

They've dumped me.

But looking back, this is what I have wished before. I remembered how much I wanted to be a full time housewife and freed myself from the bond of contract of the company. And how I thought that would be so impossible. But Allah has granted me my wish with the easiest way that I could never thought of. Who knows why they made such policy and put it in practice right after my graduation, making me among the very first 'victim'. Who knows that they just let me go and never get me back to pay my study loans. I'm finally free to decide on anything that I like to do for my life!

"...tetapi boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui..." (Al-Baqarah: 216)

I can be a full time housewife if I want to and Muhammad is certainly happy with it. But it can be bored sometimes at home when he is away and so I worked. Although the pay is not as much as what my friends are getting at those towers, but I'm grateful. I'm grateful with whatever Allah has given me now. Maybe one day, I would just decide to quit work and baby-sit my baby all day. It would be nice isn't it?

Alhamdulillah....thank you Allah! *smile*




note: I was dreaming playing with a cute 6 month old baby boy last night..hehe! I dont know why but I just know that he's ours! Owh well..it is just a dream anyway....

Should I go?

Assalamualaikum...

The result of PTD entry exam should have been released last month. But I forgot to check it out and today I don't know what remind me of it. And so I went to SPA website to check. I saw the link to the result of entry examination for Gred 41 on the result section and so I click. And then it brings me to a pop-up window where I have to key in my IC number.

'The page cannot be displayed'

Fine! Try again... similar words came out. But I'm not giving up and I suddenly get excited to get to know of how I did for the exam. Then I click on a link below the result section. A schedule for Assesment Centre Program for Gred 41. Feel like it should have be something to do with the result and so I click and key in my IC number again.

And here was what written on the screen:

The conclusion is, alhamdulillah I have passed the exam and now proceed for physical test. I don't know why I still don't feel anything. Blank and numb. Maybe it is just not something that I would like to do. Then called Muhammad to inform him about the news. And his voice was also expressionless.

"Shall I go?"

"Tak tahulah. Whereabout?"

"Kemaman"

"Owh..dekat je. We decide laterlah"

The question is... Should I go? Then I remembered a news that I heard last month. I asked Mr.Google and browse through Utusan Archive. This is what I found:

Pegawai PTD koma selepas ikuti kursus ala komando meninggal

31/05/2010 11:18am

KLANG 31 Mei - Pegawai Tadbir Diplomatik (PTD) yang tidak sedarkan diri selepas mengikuti kursus ala komando di Jugra, Kuala Langat dekat sini meninggal dunia pagi ini.

Norhashimah Wahid, 31, meninggal dunia di Unit Rawatan Rapi (ICU) Hospital Tengku Ampuan Rahimah (HTAR) di sini pukul 6.20 pagi tadi.

Mayat Allahyarham akan dibawa je rumah ibunya di Jalan Enggang Timur, Taman Keramat, Kuala Lumpur selepas dibedah siasat. - Utusan

That's the long story cut short. For detailed story click on the link below:

Pegawai PTD meninggal ikuti kurus ala komando

Norhashimah meninggal selepas koma ikuti kursus ala komando

I have heard so many versions of the story. Some said that she was forced to drink muddy sock's juice to the extent that it have caused her to have that lung infection and other stories, which all in all scared me, ok? Al-Fatihah for her soul and my deep sympathy for her family especially her hubby and daughter.

I am always against physical-army training or whatsoever that I find irrelevant. My sponsor once sent me to Outbound School of Lumut for a week to undergo of somewhat endurance program. The program was in replace of Program Anak Angkat that our seniors went on the previous years. It says to promore endurance and 'jati diri' for us scholars so that we appreciate what Allah have given us now by going through those difficult moment during the program. Owh well.. for me, having to spend nights at villagers house and getting to know how they live is much more rewarding. For me, it is a lifetime experience and at least you get the similar benefit of being grateful with whatever you have now compared to other people who don't have it. And also get a chance to contribute and do something for others, well in this case, the villagers. Plus, you get it without the bruises, pains and sunburn! Arrrgh!

I don't mind having to go through all those physical activities and I did it when I went to that OBS. But what's really irritates me was when they neglect all Islamic principles. Having to do all those activities does not mean that you can't observe your duty as a Muslim right? The participants are never reminded of solah and what's more jema'ah prayer. And don't mentioned about ikhtilat... imagine playing human knot in a group of men and women. In the end, I didn't get the certificate for that program and in returns I got a warning letter from my sponsor since I left early without attending the Closing Ceremony. ONLY the closing ceremony because I have to attend family matters and I did each and every course of activities successfully.

I don't mind doing the physical activities but need to have valid reason of why I should do it! When I was in college, every week I did canoieng (in cold winter!), swimming, archery, mud course, wall climbing etc but in the end I know that the skill will be useful during my second year when I instruct school chilren on those skills. How rewarding it is having to see the kids smile and safely undergo those activities or when their mum thanked me when their children know how to swim by the end of summer.

But now, could anyone tell me;

What is the relevance of commando-like physical training for government officer who would only involve in making policices and management????

Okay, back to the actual reason why I'm writing this. I just wanted to ask you readers:

"Should I go?"